Thursday, May 1, 2014

The Human Era

The Human Era
Hello. I'm Professor Stanford Hume and this is The Human Era. What gave our Cro-Magnon ancestors the edge in their wars against the Neanderthals? The secret lies in cave art from the period which proves conclusively that the Cro-Magnon had supernatural powers. The savage prehistoric culture must have favored the kinds of irrational practices that unlock paranormal abilities like E.S.P. and psychokinesis. Club wielding Neanderthals didn't stand a chance against the Cro-Magnons who were armed not just with clubs but magic spells and curses. Mystical knowledge that helped to extinguish a whole race of rival hominids eventually developed into powerful magic described in ancient records from the rise of Egypt to the fall of Rome. Then the church banned all ancient arts but astrology and face painting on the grounds that Jesus had rejected magic for making life too easy. Over the generations, in the absence of eyewitnesses, reports of impossible achievements became unbelievable. And magic is too inexplicable to be taken seriously by the rational thinkers of today. That leaves it up to ground breaking researchers like myself to restore this vital facility to my fellow homo sapiens, starting with the viewers at home. First we need an offering. While it must be living, it need not be moving, though animated life makes a more impressive sacrifice. We can achieve a common aim like protection from natural disaster with the simple gift of tea leaves to the prevailing god of thunder and crops. The leaves are boiled in water and the potion is sipped to show good faith. Like this. (A pot of tea and a cup hovers in from off camera. In mid air the pot tips over and fills the cup. Hume then takes the cup and puts it to his lips.) Not hot enough. (He puts the cup on his desk and zaps it with a bolt from his index finger before taking another sip.) That's better. Who knows how many people have died needlessly in storms and earthquakes since such resourceful practices were so rashly condemned? And outlawing the burnt offerings of key medicinal herbs has left us defenseless against incoming asteroids. It may already be too late. For The Human Era I'm Professor Stanford Hume. Good day and may the gods be with you.   
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© 2007, 2014. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

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