Mister Speaker

Mister Speaker, since this is the first speech of this parliamentary session and the first of 2014, I would like to wish all members of the House a very happy new year. I hope this year will bring lots of interesting, relevant debate. With this in mind, in order to address the problem of unemployment, we first must deal with the explosion in the porcupine population in northern Manitoba. These varmints are destroying back yards across the whole Canadian frontier. At least five families have reported losses of carrots and potatoes, with one sent to a hospital after he was accidentally shot by his neighbor who mistook him for a porcupine. The problem is spiraling out of control, Mister Speaker, and I would call upon my honorable opponent to tell us what he and his party are doing about it. Mister Speaker, honorable members, we have devoted ourselves from the outset of this crisis to finding a solution that would be favorable to both sides involved. While pioneers deserve protection from property damage, the rights of porcupines are also protected in the Canadian Wildlife Act of 1969. The species lacks natural predators because of its prickly covering and eludes our nets with cunning and agility. We can't burn them out without risking a forest fire nor can we use chemicals without poisoning the ecosystem. Mister Speaker, hundreds of thousands of citizens across the country stand in unemployment lines waiting for our government to take some decisive action on this issue. Victims lie in hospital beds, lingering on the edge of death, hoping against hope, and all we hear is this flimsy excuse for negligence! Mister Speaker, it appears to me that my opponent has adopted an 'out of sight, out of mind' policy with respect to the pressing concerns of the pioneering souls who populate our remotest regions. Is he planning to wait until hordes of wild rodents are gnawing at the Senate door? (Background Voices: Here! here!) Mister Speaker, while we would like a quick end to the porcupine problem, it is not the only national crisis that demands attention. A housewife in Saskatchewan has a clogged sink and the Canadian Union of Hairdressers is threatening to go on strike. Our resources are stretched to the limit.
Comedy Sketches Cartoons Arguments Copyright Issues Lyrics Poems
More Scripts Statements Songs
© 2007, 2014. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.