The New Client

(A Spartan office. A new client of social assistance sits anxiously as a worker goes over his application.) Worker: Do you own a car? Client: No. Worker: Bicycle? Client: No. Worker: Skateboard? Client: No. Worker: Do you own any large appliances? Fridge? Stove? Client: No. Worker: Does your home have any copper wire in its walls? Client: No. Worker: Do you have a girlfriend or spouse? Client: No. Worker: Do have any friends at all? Client: No. Worker: Do have any dignity? Client: No. Worker: Now this is important. Do you have a Swiss bank account? Client: No. Worker: Perfect. (She stamps the form and adds it to a folder.) Client: When can I get my check? Worker; Not yet. Could you stand on those scales please? (The confused applicant gets up to comply. The worker takes a measuring tape out of her desk and goes over to read the result.) Two hundred pounds. (She takes his height with the measuring tape.) Six feet and one inch. You are at least five pounds overweight. I'm afraid that disqualifies you. Client: Please, I really need this check. Is there anything I can do? Worker: Well, I may be able to make an exception for you on one condition. Client: Name it. Worker: Get down and give me a hundred sit-ups. Well? What are you waiting for? Let's go, tubby! You want the check, don't you? (The client lies on his back and gets to work.) One ... two ... three ...
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© 2007, 2014. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.