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I'm Irwin Charles and this is Mysteries of Evolution. Why are Northern Europeans big and tall? Is this the recent result of the eugenics so zealously practiced there in the 1930's and 40's? On the contrary, their superior mass is documented in the historic record dating right back to ancient Rome. The warlike ancestors of these giants used to settle all their disputes by mortal combat. Could that have something to do with it? Operating on a hunch, I researched African tribes and learned that the warlike Zulus were also big and tall. When a Zulu boy approached manhood he could not mate until he returned from the jungle alone with a freshly killed tiger whose teeth were used to fashion the jewelery for his wedding ceremony. Probing even deeper, I looked for the root of the genetic mutation which gave rise to the first big bully and located a uranium cave in the vicinity of the former Zulu empire. An asteroid collision which is believed to have caused the Ice Age in Europe filled in the last piece of this fascinating puzzle. Clearly the Nordic people were Zulu migrants whose skin and hair was bleached by radioactive fallout from the fallen asteroid. Over time their language and customs changed, but they faithfully retained their passion for war. Smaller peoples like the Romans eventually overcame the size difference with technology and elephants, but if some globally destructive event sent us back into the Stone Age, the big, tall Northern Europeans would likely come out on top. To avert this potential outcome we should be swamping them with midgets and dwarfs. Don't say I didn't warn you. For Mysteries of Evolution, I'm Irwin Charles.
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